For a writer you sure don't seem to have a lot to say...

02:08 am

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
- H. L. Mencken

Allison is assembling a playlist for her wedding reception. Hooray! My part is basically to encourage her to include as many dirty/sad songs as possible, preferably toward the end of the festivities. I'm fairly excited to get down with people I don't know to pieces such as:
- 'Creep' by Radiohead
- 'Kermit the Frog on Weed'
- 'The Bad Touch' by the Bloodhound Gang (you know, 'you & me baby ain't nothin' but mammals...)
- 'White Wedding' by Billy Idol
- 'It's My Party And I'll Cry If I Want To' by Leslie Gore
- 'I Touch Myself' by The Divinyls

Her family would probably be cool with it; they raised her after all, so they must have a sense of humor. His parents, on the other hand, apparently are straight-laced Mormons. I wish desperately that she plays one of the dirty ones above.

A more realistic playlist is a teensy bit more kosher, or at least the vocalists slur their words much of the way through so it's hard to tell, includes a lot of Pearl Jam and Pink Floyd. I'm still going to petition for her to play 'Time,' because it is my absolute favorite from 'Dark Side of the Moon,' and the only one to which I know all the lyrics.

I'm seriously considering a 1945 Lolita goth look, or at least a look that is strong influenced by same, just to be fun. Weddings rock.

Current Mood: amused

11:15 pm - Alas

I feel myself getting dumber!

Current Mood: stupid

12:15 am - Morose, again

Sorry, I'm in one of those moods, and I have to vent.

I'm so very tired of being alone. I hate that I feel like I'm being a burden when I'm looking for help, because usually it happens when I'm at my worst. I hate that nobody wants me as a part of their life... well, Allison and Michael do. So, nobody who's seen me at my worst. I must only be worth the effort if I'm not going to be too big a drag. And Heaven knows, I can't be included in anything significant because you never know when something is going to go wrong and I'm going to need something again. I need people to show me that I'm worth something, because I'm incapable of it on my own.

Really am sorry. I'm having a hard time right now, and am not willing to just tell anyone up-front because I don't want to be a burden.

02:16 pm - Ooh

Look, it is shiny and new: Puerile Quips At Your Fingertips. Oh yes, I made this. And it's where I'm going to move my ranting... because I can customize the snot out of it. Mwahahahahahaha.

09:32 pm - I have nothing to say!

Comment on this journal and --

1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll challenge you to try something.
3. I'll pick a colour that I associate with you.
4. I'll tell you something I like about you.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something I've always wanted to ask you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this in your journal

In other news, if I can come up with enough money to move (cough cough) then I'm going to be in Salt Lake in the middle of May, for an as-yet undetermined amount of time... yes it is academic suicide, but I don't care.

Quote of the Instant:
Attempted murder, now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry?
- Sideshow Bob, 'The Simpsons'

Oh, and next week is Spring Break, so in between research for psych classes and reading a freaking huge stack of books, I am going to be bored. Like I am right now.

01:21 am - I'm sorry for being depressing!

Really, I am sorry. It is hard to help sometimes.

Persons who have wandered, or been expelled, out of the common track of things, even were it for a better system, desire nothing so much as to be led back. They shiver in their loneliness, be it on a mountain-top or in a dungeon.

- Nathaniel Hawthorne, 'The House of the Seven Gables' (emphasis added)

Current Mood: numb

02:27 am - Stupid lawyers

Some people who graduate from law school are very stupid and have no idea how to write. Example: Sarah was reading aloud to me (so that we could mock it together) an article which was being submitted for the American Bar Association journal; not some little 'zine, the real thing. And do you want to know what he wrote? It was a mushy, wah-wah, fussy firms won't hire me 'cause I went to Cooley article. At one point he write something to the effect of, "They will never know that I was at the top of my class. They will never know what my research abilities could have lead to. They will never know..."

-- And I'm not kidding about his ending a paragraph with ellipses (...).

Also, they don't seem to have a very firm concept of how much their subordinates' work is worth. I'm assembling a fairly complex website with no formal training, and my payment is a reference. From my own mother. Now that's one thing; it is normal for family members with abilities to do little things one another, but mom is also 'paying' Sarah $11/hr for her typing and legal secretarial work, which sounds fab, until you realize that the $11/hr goes toward back rent, and actual legal secretaries make $20/hr. Sarah could make that with her typing ability, not factoring in her copy-editing and the fact that she writes better than some of these stupid law school grads. Thank goodness my mom is charming, and can put together a letter without too much trouble.

On another note, Sarah might start selling herself to recent grads of lower-end law schools as a copy-editor, because based on some of this free work she's been doing, there is quite a market for her services. And maybe I will build her website for her.

Current Mood: grumpy

02:10 pm - hmm

I wonder if my mom has any idea that we all hide from her all the time.

I doubt that she's aware of how deeply unpleasant she is to be around right now. It shouldn't be like this, but anymore we associate her taking care of household needs (like, you know, cleaning something) as her being in a bad mood, and therefore we must run away.

I was cleaning out some of the horrible things from the fridge, as I so often do when I come home (clean the house), and she came in and just told me that she wanted to do that. She thinks I'll throw away everything, while she'll only throw away vegetables which have grown legs. So I yielded, but in defense of my own attempt at charitable action said, 'I was just going to toss the things which were realling rotten out,' and she said, 'That's fine, but I want to be the one to do that.' I WAS TRYING TO BE NICE!! So now Laura and I are hiding in the basement, and we still hear crashing sounds upstairs coming from Mom's inability to control how noisy she is. Either she can't control it or she likes to make a lot of noise, 'cause it makes her feel like she's actually in control of this household.

See, we'd been taking care of these things for years. I'm not kidding when I say she would only cean things when she was in a really bad mood; usually I would get fed up and grab the vacuum, or when she was in a normal bad mood she would yell at us to clean. One time she told us, 'I'm not going to cook in a kitchen this filthy!' I laughed because it isn't like she cooked anyway. Sarah and I did the cooking, with Laura as backup. Mom, cook? No, she stopped doing that when we stopped being as cute.

I'm going to have a lot to tell my counselor next week.

Current Mood: bitter

11:34 am

Oh my gosh. I just told my dad about my ED (not erectile dysfunction, thankyouverymuch) and he did not make a huge deal about it. I feel better that someone knows other than my counselor! Hooray for emotional release and awareness of mental disorder!

(No, I don't expect anyone to offer platitudes, so don't feel pressured.)

And now, I must study, get me some good grades, get into a good grad school, make much moneys and be able to support my parents when they are old and senile. Ciao.

Current Mood: weird

06:16 pm - Research

I am going to pass out and die from exhaustion in

10...

9...

8...

7...

6...

5...

4...

3...

2...

1...

((flop))




So I have a big ol' research paper (10 pages) on the Romanization (as in Rome) of Britain, a math exam, a psych exam, and a sociology assignment due next week. That's not THAT much, except that I am also, stupidly, participating in National Novel-Writing Month. Waesuck!! How am I going to crank out 42,000 more words about my Wild West gangs trying to kill one another?! Argh.

Have I said too much? There's nothing more I can think of to say to you. But all you have to do is look at me to know that every word is truuuuue!!!

Current Mood: insane